So, You Want To Be A Son?

© 2025 Philip M Spence

I have had heart to heart conversations with many people who have told me that they are looking for a mentor or a spiritual father. As these conversations progress, it often becomes obvious to me that what these people are looking for is a spiritual grandfather.

Grandparents can have great influence on their children’s children. They are available to help the parents with the grandchildren at times. They give gifts and have fun with the grandchildren. And they go back to their house, leaving the grandchildren with their parents. This is very different from being fathered.

There are some interesting observations that can be made about being a son to a spiritual father from the stories of kings and their sons in the Old Testament. So much about the father shaped the sons. Here are a few insights.

[1] A Father’s History

Every family has generational history. It is more than a genealogy; it is the legend that passes down through the generations. My biological sons benefitted from coming to understand our family history dating back to the Vikings in Scotland. Our family name encapsulates our history.

My spiritual sons benefit from knowing that I am fifth generation Pentecostal, and that much has been built into my life by great men and women of God. The stories of those who impacted my life become part of the legend for my spiritual sons. This helps to shape their identity as sons.

[2] A Father’s Tribe

Part of the history of OT kings was their tribe. Every son was born into their father’s tribe, imbibed the culture of that tribe, and became part of the destiny and prosperity of the tribe. Through marriage, people came to live in other tribes, but their loyalty was to their father’s tribe.

When a son aligns with a spiritual father, he aligns with the father’s tribe. Many years ago, the International Coalition of Apostolic Leaders became my tribe. This alignment not only benefits me, but directly and indirectly influences my spiritual sons. They may be functioning in the context of a denomination or movement, but their heart becomes aligned to their father’s tribe.

[3] A Father’s Friends

When I grew up on the mission field in Papua New Guinea, other missionaries were Uncle and Aunty to me. They were colleagues and friends of my parents, so they became important in my life. My father’s friends became my friends. They cared about me, advised me, and complemented my parents’ input into my life.

And so it is with the friends of spiritual fathers. A wise spiritual son will respect his father’s friends, and receive from them, because his father trusts them. This trust has been established over time and should not be viewed lightly. As is often stated, ‘It takes a village to raise a child’.

[4] A Father’s Enemies

The OT kings had enemies in surrounding nations, and at times within their own nation. Their sons came to realise that having their father’s DNA, and being loyal to their father meant that the father’s enemies were the son’s enemies. They went to war and killed them.

In Christ we have a different way of dealing with our father’s enemies. Jesus commanded us to love them. This is a state of heart that firstly forgives and then can be expressed in a variety of ways. We pray for them, entreat them, and are gracious towards them when we find ourselves in the same room. However, when trust is broken there must be appropriate boundaries put in place, and these must be understood and adhered to by the sons.

[5] A Father’s Alliances

Alliances are different from friendships. The OT kings established economic and security alliances for the benefit and protection of the nation. They were ensuring the strength of the nation beyond their lifetime. The wise sons understood the value of these alliances and upheld them.

Spiritual sons come to see that their father has established relationships that are of mutual benefit in the Kingdom of God. It may be an alliance with someone whose gifts and grace complements theirs. It may be an alliance that provides resource for the ministry. It may also be an alliance that is of benefit because of counsel or other services. Spiritual sons respect and come to function in the context of a father’s alliances.

[6] A Father’s Legacy

A father’s legacy becomes the foundation for his spiritual sons. A man I greatly respect, Norman Close, says, ‘An inheritance is what you leave for your sons, but a legacy is what you leave in them’. This is what allows them to ‘stand on our shoulders’.

Spiritual sons imbibe the legacy of their father and walk in it. As the Apostle Paul said about his spiritual son, ‘This is why I have sent Timothy to you. He is my beloved and faithful son in Christ. He will remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach everywhere in every Ekklesia’ (1 Corinthians 4:17).

[7] A Father’s Crown

A father’s crown becomes the crown of a son. The OT kings raised their sons to be rulers. The oldest was first in line for the crown, but if he was killed in battle, another son would be chosen to rule. The son of a king has benefits and privileges but also has responsibilities and accountability.

A true spiritual father will raise his sons to be mature, well-balanced adults who are able to fulfill the will of God against all odds. In part this means knowing their identity and spiritual authority. It also means becoming overcomers who know how to prevail. It includes becoming more than conquerors, which means knowing how to rule over territory that has been given or gained (Deuteronomy 28:13, Romans 8:37).

In conclusion, spiritual sons cannot afford to romanticise the relationship that they have with their spiritual father. Sonship means that they will become much like their father and carry the weight of what he imparts to them.

Sonship means building on the foundation of a spiritual father. Spiritual sons do not start a new building; they take their father’s work to the next level. They will continue the legacy of their spiritual father.

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Phil Spence is an author, speaker, mentor and musician. He leads Enlarj, a relational apostolic network influencing more than 20 nations. He oversees School of the Kingdom Global in many of these nations. Phil is internationally recognised as an apostle. Phil may be contacted via phil@enlarj.com